I'm so goddamn restless and my life has been demoted to pretending and wishing I was studying for school and now all this blog will be uninspirational, miserable complaining. I sit and then when I near my parents walk closely around my door I quickly change tabs and pretending I'm doing Media homework. But in actual reality I'm reading rookiemag.com and being jealous about not having interesting things to write about. This morning I had a surge of excitement and now I want to start a blog with my friend where we'll write about stuff that isn't so melancholy. People with blogs get too famous. But the problem with writing is that no body wants to read long passages of dribble like mine. I need themes, motivation, and November 20th.

I want to look like this and this and this and this and this and this and this

There is a thought lingering and swimming in the back of my mind. I can't find it yet. I feel like I have to go back to something I've said before.

I've spent all day inside my house cleaning my room and I think I went a little bit of stir crazy because I sat on my bed for an hour without doing anything and I didn't feel bored. Until I said that I didn't feel bored.

Then I got bored. And I'm restless and I have nothing to do because my body becomes paralyzed by the thought of doing homework. I could read more of my book but I already read 60 pages today and I'm bored.

Save me from my boredom. I need something to think about.

I know that it goes on, but we don't want to know that. I know but I've been wrong but I don't want to go back, so I throw it all away.

sdjhsdgiuwkghsmhjkfshdk my life!

All I want to do is vomit up my organs and cry for the rest of my life.

The last time I went over my phone cap limit, well other than paying $30 for a 1800 number texting me, was in 2007 and I was only able to spend $120. Which seems like a lot to some, but I now get $350 spendage. And I've spent all of it. How the fuck does that happen? Well I know, it's when you spend two hours on the phone to someone who isn't on the same phone network as you. I forget who, but someone I know has unlimited texting. That would make my life so much easier, it's insane. I spent 25 cents on a text saying "sup", 4 texts equals a dollar. $25 is 100 texts. So, take away a dollar a minute calls for around 170 minutes of calls, so I've spent $180 on texting within 18 days. I've sent 720 texts. I am such a teenage girl. Anyway, because I don't have texting privileges, I'll have to call people I don't necessarly want to talk to. And for the next 12 days, I cannot text. Well I can, the deal is that if you go over your limit, you have to pay the extra you spend. Which is the most worrying thing, because what if I'm drunk and I have to tell someone I love them? What if my 1700 producer texts me? What if I'm really bored and feel like making useless conversation with people? My life is over. I have absolutely no money as it is, but I'm working 10-530 on saturday and it's my birthday in 13 days so I hope everyone, this includes you dear reader, gives me shitloads of money so I don't have to starve and dress like a house elf anymore. Not to mention I owe my mother $306 dollars, and it's winter so time for new clothes and it's almost holidays so time for spending ridiculous amounts of money. I feel so materialistic.
And I really want to go camping with friends. Ugh that would make me so excited for life.

Lisa O (lisaplace) may very well be one of the prettiest people I've ever seen. Oh how I will be forever jealous.

I really suck at the moment. Like, I just can't escape the disappointed/embarrassed feeling that has been shadowing me for the past two weeks. I really want to have a fun weekend that doesn't end up in me hating myself. I'm just so over myself. I don't know what I need. Also I have a category literally dedicated to me sucking. #emopost2011

P.S. I'm seeing Justin Bieber tomorrow night. I get to be picked up from school so I have time to make a t-shirt! Fuck yeah!

SO unmotivated to do anything. I just want to be out of school already. Also I want to know how to change this layout. I want to make a fort.

& I need to blog about more interesting things.

I really would love to be good at photography, drawing, singing, guitar, piano and writing.

But I suck. Ugh, I need a brilliant creative person to talk to.

Things I really hate.

(Apart from hurting myself and animals and terrible things like that.)

• adding people I don't know on facebook.
• watching movies "starring" people who shouldn't even bother labeling themselves as actors.
• having to fake laugh at peoples jokes.
• spending time with people who don't interest me.
• playing with rough dogs.
• people who ask me stupid questions during movies.
• people who actually consider themselves as "indie."
• people who consider themselves as cooler than indie and then consider themselves as "hipsters."
• when megavideo tells me that my 72 minutes are up.
• when people copy me and then tell people it was me who copied them.
• brutal stories about people seeing their own bones stick out of their skin.
• listening to people subtly boast about how much they know.
• people who talk in cinemas.
• people who talk obnoxiously loud over people to seem superior to them in someway.
• intimidating people that make me not act like myself.
• people who sing you the lyrics to the song instead of saying them.
• people who greet you by saying "hey haha" as if there is something funny about saying hello.
• how I am so amazingly unmotivated when it comes to learning things I want to learn.

This blog is such a fail, holy jesus.