I want to live in a house with no walls, an open door policy and dream pop on constantly play.

I want to sit in silence with my laptop with the knowledge that someone was going to come home soon.

I want to go to sleep hugging a lover and get a friend to braid my hair in the morning.

I want to be alone next to a window, knowing that I'll be away soon.

I want to come home from a bar with no bed time and an endless supply of cookable food.

I want to pick up a friend in my own car and I want to escape shallow people.

I want to document my life and broadcast it to people who will appreciate what I see.

What I would rather be doing now instead of homework:
Planning my move to study abroad, checking up on my bank account that is just so full of money, wake up in a white bed that wasn't my own, go to a garden, go out for dinner, go to a party inside, be putting on my make up to go somewhere, eat a salad in the city, boarding a plane, riding a horse, hugging a friend I haven't seen in a while, buying a dress, buying shoes, listening to soft rock music, being at the beach, having fresh air, being away from the city, getting my photos developed, watching someone smile, riding a bike, having a new beginning, not sitting in the year 12 common room, talking to someone knowledgeable, swimming, sitting on a cliff, watch every episode of sex and the city, at a job that I like, meeting my future best friend, purchasing a fluffy pet, dancing, sitting in the Shisha Bar, watch New Girl, watch Glee, watch youtube videos of people dancing, laugh at this, listen to Jeff Buckley, play neopets, signing up to every internet account possible, changing my name to Katie Cooper, sleeping, laughing, waking up on November 20th.

Lalala I love saving peoples lives and making peoples day. Check it!

Rainbow Serpent is over. It was like a dream.
Four days that didn't really happen to me.
That festival was like a magical realm that wasn't real life at all.
I'll be going next year, I think.
I understand colours, sounds, feeling and people much better.
Now I'm back to reality.
I need to rethink my entire existence.

Look at these pictures and tell me you're not fucking jealous of me. Three days I'll be at Rainbow Serpent along with two of my favourite people and 30,000 new friends to make. It's going to be magic.

For my Drama holiday homework, I had to write a reflection about what I'm like to work with in a group.

My weakness with working in a group is that, if I’m not excited about a project, I loose motivation very quickly. I get bored with tasks easily and I am able to make the conscious decision to not engage in the task to my full potential if it puts any strain on my good mood or social life. One of my main personality characteristics (that has been cast upon me through being an only child) is I can be selfish. Not to say that I’m not compassionate or lack the ability to care for others, because I will burst into tears the moment I see someone else I care about upset.

But most of the time, I’m unaware that I will make decisions that benefit myself and unwillingly put myself in front of others. It’s not a trait that I’m proud of, and get very offended when someone calls me selfish, pretty much because I know it’s true.

In regards to working in a group with this burden personality trait; if under pressure, it is unlikely that I’ll stop myself and say “this group depends on me and I must do what is best for the group”, I’ll most likely say “I hate rehursing, this script sucks and I’m not going to learn my lines even though the performance is tomorrow.”

Yet this selfishness does not necessarily mean that I’m unable to step back and let other people do what they need to do for themselves, even if that means I get set aside and unrecognised. This comes from either the lack of passion I have for the project, or just the fact that I hate disturbing the peace. I have no problem being a follower if the task in hand is something I couldn’t care less about. I’m not going to get involved in something that essentially, in my view, wastes my time.

However, the tables completely turn/flip upside down and rotate 360^o if I actually am interested in the project. For example, the year 11 Theatre Studies performance, A Laramie Project. I found Matthew Shepard’s story completely engaging, important and emotional. I was very involved in the issues it raised. I spent a lot of time doing the best I could for the production and didn’t mind if I was doing extra work because I really did care about the performance. If I am passionate about a project, I will shoot forth with excitement and do everything in my capabilities to make it the best I can.

Yet if I do care, I also must make it as real as I possibly can. I say “real” here, meaning (for example a drama script I’m writing myself) I try extremely hard to avoid cliché things, because those kinds of things are the bane of my existence. I hate Romcoms and soap operas, and I would rather dance naked on stage at a school assembly than let somebody compare the work I do to something that has been done before or is sickeningly cheesy. This is one of the reasons I chose to do Drama in year 12, because I would rather write my own solo than perform a prewritten monologue, because I need to connect with the story and like it, and the risk of me not liking the monologue is too great in Theatre Studies.

So, I suppose my preferred role would be either writing, producing or direction. I need control in a production because I feel it is my duty on earth to abolish all overdone, predicable stereotypes –which is why non-naturalism Drama excites me to the core, because even if some square people will never come close to comprehending what the hell happened in the La Mama’s rendition of the Maids, I enjoyed it immensely and look forward to creating pieces with those same amusing yet deep themes.

This may sound like a threat, it’s not, I’m just being brutally honest. If I’m not interested in our ensemble performance, it will be extremely difficult for anyone to convince me to put in that effort that comes naturally when I’m excited about something. However, when our entire year 12 drama class all have the potential to be leaders within our group, there will be clashes of taste and also egos. Although I don’t have a problem with being a leader, I quite enjoy it, I’m able to shut up and be a follower. Just promise me you won’t let me delve too far into the background because it could end up being performance night and you find out I don’t actually know what our performance is about. So, I need to improve my ability to push myself to accept if I don’t get my way, and somehow develop motivation so remarkable that I no longer need to eat or sleep.

The depleting lack of interest in my blogspot leaves a small hole in my heart.

I really hate having to sensor what I talk about

Not again not again

This is mine.

This is the second time I have studied Macbeth and repeated exposure makes me like it.

I like to make iPod playlists and ride bikes.

I'm bored

I want to get pictures and song lyrics at the start of my posts again.

Regina, Regina

What?

When is that song gonna start?

Which song?

The one that goes like de ne na na

Oh, that's gonna start in a minute. Just gotta wait

Okay.

Regina, start it already!

It's gonna start in a second, just gotta wait.

It's gonna start... now

Okay so I've completely abandoned my blog because I haven't had dinner in like eight days and I've left the house at eight am and come home at ten pm every night this week. My Theatre Studies play at school A Laramie Project completely took over my life.

It went really well. Well I do have a stutter and get too excited so I come on at inappropriate times. But other than that, I love to perform. I want to be a comedic dancer or something.

My school is doing Barnum for our musical next year and I'm going to audition as a midget circus freak.

But now it's a four day weekend and I'm not going to do any homework because I hate everybody and I don't give a shit about exams because they are boring and time consuming and I'm going to take a break to enjoy the time I have before my life turns to shit.

I'm going to film more on my camera. Life is so pretty.

Things I have done today: (by today I mean this post was saved in my drafts from like three weeks ago)

- awoken after 12 hour sleep, in which I dreamt overly sexual things about people I don't consider attractive. It was one of those dreams where it takes you a minute to REALISE it didn't actually happen. I was ready to text my friend and apologies immensely. "I don't know what came over me, I'm sorry. I was utterly convinced I'd never make a porno. Especially with two girls. For some reason it was supposed to be a joke. I'm so sorry."

I definitly overshared, but you get the point. It was an awkward, and impossible dream. I don't know why I had to apolgise to my friend but anyway, for a second I thought I did have lesbian sex with two random girls. But it's okay people, I didn't. And the dream wasn't in that much detail so don't worry about it.

- went to work, where I had a girl suggest to play "the lovely ice cream game" in which the participants, being 6 year old children, had to lick me. Which I refused to do, because I'd feel uncomfortable and sticky and would end up being fired.

So another kid suggested Tiggy, which I had vivid images of a kid falling over and smaking their face on a rail and having their teeth pour out into my hands.

So I suggested duck duck goose, Simon says, that game with the giant and the treasure or whatever.which all recieved a giant amount of groans. So I decided we'd play "walking Tiggy" which consisted of 15 children walking around in a circle trying to grab eachother in slow motion. And it was safe to say it was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

- I cut up my Frankie magazines and put some photos on my wall. a little bit of me died on the inside every time I ruined a page by violently ripping it out and blutacking it to my wall, knowing in a month I'll rip them all down in a rage and then REALISE I ruined my magazines for nothing.

I am literal modern day Bridget Jones. I'm going to walk to the video store now to hire it and laugh at how similar we are as I wallow in my loneliness. But I kind of like being the weird, desperate girl that sits home on the internet all day. It's kind of fun.

I'm in the mindset to dress up. I get that a lot. When I want to cut my hair short I put on this purple wig my mother has and wear it until it gets itchy. Or I wear my earring as a nose piercing when I want one. One time I was so bored at 1am I coloured my face green with eye shadow and dressed up as a witch.

I have this huge craving to go and buy a blue dress. Not navy, not light blue but like - electric blue. It will be short and have an open back and I'll wear my tanned heels with it and my hair in curls with my red lipstick. Somewhat like this:

Then my hairdresser convinced me to dip dye my hair pink in November. So I got all excited, and I'll look like this;
And I also still want these badass leggings:
And I want this giantass headband bow, it has to be velvet. Maybe not a headband but I'm such a fan of ridiculous hair at the moment, it's great.

What would you do if I had devised this plan that we would be able to run away together, would you come?
Yes!
You wouldn't actually.
Realistically, I wouldn't.
What if everything was planned and we KNEW we were going to be fine for the rest of our lives?
Yeah, nah probably not. I'd like to, but you'd have to see An Education. Then you'd know why.
What if I got you pregnant and so you had to come with me!
...that's not going to happen.
But like I had all this money saved and we'd be fine forever?
Yeah I still probably wouldn't go, being honest.
What! As if!
Why! You totally wouldn't.
Yeah I would. If I got to spend eternity with you I would.

I just finished my Macbeth essay with 40 minutes to spare, and no one else is anywhere near finishing. And I think it's a pretty good essay as well. This week will go so slow. I cannot wait for three weeks of just pure sleeping and room redecoration. I need so many more coloured, scented candles, fairy lights and a carpet. I can't wait to run around with my groovy friend. I cant wait to crack another one. I can't wait to make a fort with my fort friend, get drunk in the day time with my drinking friend and go to the zoo with my best friend.
I also can't wait to make friends with this girl, if I had a tumblr, it would pretty much be the same thing. This girl thinks everything I think, it's kind of weird. But I'm so happy, i love meeting other blogs that I like.
My toes are cold.
Also my hairdresser convinced me that on the summer holidays we are going to dip dye my hair barbie pink. Which is funny because I don't even like pink but it would be so great. Then when I can't wear the colour to school anymore I'll cut my hair short. I love being crazy with my hair. My new hair colour is described as "champagne" and I look animated. I love hair. I don't understand people who have had the same hair for years. My hairstyle has been pretty much the same but I dye it every month so it doesn't count. But I'm no longer afraid of my forehead so the front fringe is saying goodbye.
And I'm also going to work at a nice cafe down the road in the summer and I'm just going to make my life everything I want it to be.

On a different note, today an old Asian man was staring through the window at me and Emily while we were doing our helicopter move in our Pilates class. Then, asked if he could come in and watch us.

On account of my life being totally changed, today I renovated my room again. It's all clean and spacious and great.

Meanwhile, here are some nice pictures from nirrimi.

I want this to be me.

Also I want dark brown hair and the daylight.

I suck I need to blog more but my life is going to fast I have to many things to do that I'm not doing. I just need to find a song to love and some time to have and all would be well.

It's my birthday tomorrow. I don't give a shit about it. My life is too interesting to care about a birthday. But it is a little strange, sixteen was the age I always wanted to be. When I was younger I thought sixteen was huge! You know, your life was when you were sixteen. It's been a pretty average age. All I can really remember doing is getting drunk. In two days I'll be seventeen, never been sixteen again. I don't care about my birthday, but I care about aging and a little bit of change. My sixteenth life is almost over. Weird.

Also, this sun is shining and life is great.

If anyone wants to know what my drama character should have looked like, it's this girl. I wish I looked like this.