My weakness with working in a group is that, if I’m not excited about a project, I loose motivation very quickly. I get bored with tasks easily and I am able to make the conscious decision to not engage in the task to my full potential if it puts any strain on my good mood or social life. One of my main personality characteristics (that has been cast upon me through being an only child) is I can be selfish. Not to say that I’m not compassionate or lack the ability to care for others, because I will burst into tears the moment I see someone else I care about upset.
But most of the time, I’m unaware that I will make decisions that benefit myself and unwillingly put myself in front of others. It’s not a trait that I’m proud of, and get very offended when someone calls me selfish, pretty much because I know it’s true.
In regards to working in a group with this burden personality trait; if under pressure, it is unlikely that I’ll stop myself and say “this group depends on me and I must do what is best for the group”, I’ll most likely say “I hate rehursing, this script sucks and I’m not going to learn my lines even though the performance is tomorrow.”
Yet this selfishness does not necessarily mean that I’m unable to step back and let other people do what they need to do for themselves, even if that means I get set aside and unrecognised. This comes from either the lack of passion I have for the project, or just the fact that I hate disturbing the peace. I have no problem being a follower if the task in hand is something I couldn’t care less about. I’m not going to get involved in something that essentially, in my view, wastes my time.
However, the tables completely turn/flip upside down and rotate 360o if I actually am interested in the project. For example, the year 11 Theatre Studies performance, A Laramie Project. I found Matthew Shepard’s story completely engaging, important and emotional. I was very involved in the issues it raised. I spent a lot of time doing the best I could for the production and didn’t mind if I was doing extra work because I really did care about the performance. If I am passionate about a project, I will shoot forth with excitement and do everything in my capabilities to make it the best I can.
Yet if I do care, I also must make it as real as I possibly can. I say “real” here, meaning (for example a drama script I’m writing myself) I try extremely hard to avoid cliché things, because those kinds of things are the bane of my existence. I hate Romcoms and soap operas, and I would rather dance naked on stage at a school assembly than let somebody compare the work I do to something that has been done before or is sickeningly cheesy. This is one of the reasons I chose to do Drama in year 12, because I would rather write my own solo than perform a prewritten monologue, because I need to connect with the story and like it, and the risk of me not liking the monologue is too great in Theatre Studies.
So, I suppose my preferred role would be either writing, producing or direction. I need control in a production because I feel it is my duty on earth to abolish all overdone, predicable stereotypes –which is why non-naturalism Drama excites me to the core, because even if some square people will never come close to comprehending what the hell happened in the La Mama’s rendition of the Maids, I enjoyed it immensely and look forward to creating pieces with those same amusing yet deep themes.
This may sound like a threat, it’s not, I’m just being brutally honest. If I’m not interested in our ensemble performance, it will be extremely difficult for anyone to convince me to put in that effort that comes naturally when I’m excited about something. However, when our entire year 12 drama class all have the potential to be leaders within our group, there will be clashes of taste and also egos. Although I don’t have a problem with being a leader, I quite enjoy it, I’m able to shut up and be a follower. Just promise me you won’t let me delve too far into the background because it could end up being performance night and you find out I don’t actually know what our performance is about. So, I need to improve my ability to push myself to accept if I don’t get my way, and somehow develop motivation so remarkable that I no longer need to eat or sleep.
