That. is. my. life.
I'm absolutely fascinated with this idea that I have to always be doing what I want to do, anything I'm doing that I don't enjoy is such a waste of time. Which is why I don't do my compulsory school sport, I just leave instead. I have huge tantrums when people force me to do things that I don't want to do, and I usually get my way because I'm not afraid to act like a child until they can't deal with me anymore. I'm a whinger, it's fine, I know I am and it is a bad thing but I end up getting what I want out of it which causes greater net happiness for me. I also embrace my laziness and selfishness.
But yes, working three times this weekend is causing me great amounts of atrocious moods. I can't think of anything I'd like to be doing more than having an innocent sleepover with someone who will make me too happy. But no. I like my job, I just cannot be bothered doing anything anymore and I just feel like I won't be able to sleep properly for a week, which makes me feel like I'm not enjoying my time which makes everything much worse.
I feel stuck and relied on and expected of and forgotten. I do miss people that I used to know. My fresh start hasn't been refreshing enough and it just makes me feel like I need to brush my teeth and throw my phone into a river.
I want to fill my life with people who have an educated life. Not academically. But just people who understand. They don't have to be experienced, they just have to at least imagine and care.
I think there's a fine line between inexperienced and naivety, which is very distinct for me. Naivety can be cute, inexperienced can be boring. And there's nothing that I... well I wouldn't say despise because I don't go out of my way to make it bother me. But, nothing makes me less interested in a person if they have no substance. They can be a total rude, ignorant dickhole but still have some depth to their personality. People who are boring and do not think about life and are affected by the stupidest of things need to vanish. Especially Jay Z and Kayne West who spend too much fucking money on alcohol and drugs when there are people in total desperation, dying. Jay Z's $250,000 bottles of champagne could save a fuckload of peoples lives. And Jay Z is a shithead. But when I speak of this I'm not really speaking about Jay Z and Kayne, as stupid as they are. I'm talking about people who experience important thoughts that just go straight over their heads. How can people be so square?
