I am going to be happy. People say "Katie, you just can't force yourself to be happy." Or, "No one is happy."
I hate that. I can be happy. I will be. It's easy to do. I like to make movies and go out to eat with my friends and get drunk and dance. And that's what I'll do on the holidays. For two weeks I'll only do what I want to do. How can you not be happy if you are doing what you want to?
And hopefully I'll stop stressing. I'll stop worrying about stupid things I did, because its always going to happen. I'll be able to trust myself and laugh about it.
I'll relax and be happy, and yeah, I'll force myself too because I can and otherwise I won't. I refuse to be the person who lets themselves feel sad or want to be alone. They complain about feeling so alone yet won't let anyone close to them anyway.
And then there is some people that let you in right away and then you realize that they are only letting you in because they don't wont to be alone.
Lately I've been crabby and snappy and all I want to do is sit in my bed. I think its because there are people always in my house all the time and I'm never home alone anymore.
I'll be happy when I sleep and then see sunshine and empty spaces.
